It’s Not Politics, It’s Pain
Many have taken positions these past couple of days. Like soldiers on the frontlines, regular people have made their social media platforms the battlefield for their opinions and mindsets. These online soldiers have fired shots across the field to downplay the emotions and philosophies of their counterparts. “Downplay” is putting it nicely.
Probably like yours, most of the positions being taken by my social media friends and family have coincided with their particular politics. Black, Blue, and All Lives Matter slogans took their stance and battled it out. A few nights days ago I posted this meme in a photography group I belong to. For about 12 hours or so people reacted to it and we were all having a laugh.
Then early the next morning a comment popped up on my notification: “My mom died of [CoVID] this Sunday. It’s not old news.”
To my horrified self, I felt instantly bad. I replied:
“Noooooo, [name]. I’m so sorry ... if you want me to delete it, please let me know. I don’t want to make light of your pain.”
The fellow member said it was okay to keep it up, that she needed the laugh. You know what I realized right there and then, though? I don’t know this lady, that my mom is alive and she is well. But the instant that I read that her mother died, I right away felt terrible for posting the meme because of the loss of her mother.
Her mother mattered to her and though I don’t know her or her mother, I could not keep the post up in good conscience without considering her because of HER PAIN. Her pain is real to her. It’s raw and enough to make her comment on my silly meme to let me know what’s going on with her on the inside. The meme was comedy to me, but it was a reminder of her pain.
Considering the exchange between me and the lady, this thought came to me: We should consider each other’s pain. Maybe one day our mother or loved one will die and we’d appreciate it if no one would make light of our pain. We’d appreciate if people would take a few moments to consider what we’re experiencing instead of what they’re not experiencing. That people would consider the hurt we’re feeling and the pain we’re experiencing instead of shaming us for what or how we’re feeling at that moment.
In our current social landscape (USA) some people are downplaying the deaths of innocent black lives. They’re outing the cries of BLACK LIVES MATTER by injecting their own state of comfort and lack of pain. It’s not their experience, so it’s not their cause. And while their black neighbors and community are hurting, they take to “whataboutism” and make light of the pain.
I know all lives matter, but I don’t want to tell the lady in my facebook group that my mom is still alive and that my mother’s life matters as much as her mom’s life mattered. Sure, I would be correct. I mean my mother’s life surely matters, but would I have been right if I had fronted that lady’s pain by saying it so? Or would it had been better for me to say… “I’m sorry for your loss and your pain”? I think that that would have been a correct, humane, and, certainly, Christian answer.
I guess people can choose being technically “right”. People have the right to say “All Lives Matter” in response to “Black Lives Matter”. Both are correct. But maybe instead of viewing things as political expressions or positions, we would see “Black Lives Matter” as an outcry of a community’s pain and suffering. Maybe Black people and their allies are not making a political statement. Maybe they’re expressing a pained experience. For me, I’ll choose to see pain because, ironically for those who do say “All Lives Matter”, politics don’t matter—people do.
